Chris Voss: “Never Split the Difference” | Talks at Google https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guZa7mQV1l0

Tactical Empathy

There is an emotional component to every decision we take

No After saying “No”, they feel safe, and that opens them up for thinking, brainstorming “Yes” feels unsafe

“No” -> “That’s right” get them to completely agree on somethgin

Books of Tahl Raz

  • Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
  • The CEO Next Door: The 4 Behaviours that Transform Ordinary People into World Class Leaders
  • Never Eat Alone
  • Imagine It Forward: Courage, Creativity, and the Power of Change

3 Types of negotiation styles

  1. Direct, talker
  2. Analist
  3. Relationship

Empathy vs Compassion “mirror back what they say, neutral, without emotion”

Prep for negotiation volunteer at a suicide hotline When you hear someone is angry, you should say “You sound angry” It goes away

Compromise = lazy you leave money on the table you leave better alternatives unexplored high-value trade

  • Book: Getting to yes -> based on a drive to become rational -> separate a person’s position from there interests -> “Why don’t you tell me why you want, what you want” -–> “I don’t want to, then you have power over me”

  • Book: Start with no - Jim Camp open ended questions

  • Book: Beyond winning - Bob Menucon has a fantastic chapter on the tension between Empathy vs Assertivity, I review it regularly

Unknown Unknowns There is 2 pieces of info your counterparty has that are really important to you

  1. what they know is important to you
  2. then have no idea is important

detecting deception is not helpful Unknown Unknowns is when 2’s overlap

Label fake Christmas tree “Seems like you had real Christmas trees when growing up” football “I would never have been able to say that for myself.”

There is always going to be information you don’t have. Black Swan is something small making a big difference

“You’re right” When someone says “You’re right” what they mean is “Shut Up and Go Away”

Anger Goes away when labeled, but only when labeled sufficiently. Otherwise it explodes. Especially when they hold you accountable for it. You need to get close enough to what the other person feels, for someone to be able say “That’s right” wife insufficient: “you’re angry” -> explodes better: “You feel like I have not respected you”

  • Movie: Negotiator

Reputation / Lying / Hard Lying: I don’t believe in lying Attack: I don’t believe in attacking -> it’s like a nuclear strike - long toxic residue “No-deal is better than a bad-deal”