Tjen Wellens

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Book: The Highly Sensitive Person

December 20th, 2014

 

The Highly Sensitive Person

 

 

0. Introduction

1. The Facts About Being Highly Sensitive: A (Wrong) Sense of Being Flawed

2. Digging Deeper: Understand Your Trait for All That It Is

3. General Health and Lifestyle for HSPs: Loving and Learning From Your Infant/Body Self

4. Reframing Your Childhood and Adolescence: Learning to Parent Yourself

5. Social Relationships: The Slide Into "Shy"

6. Thriving at Work: Follow Your Bliss and Let Your Light Shine Through

7. Close Relationships: The Challenge of Sensitive Love

8. Healing the Deeper Wounds: A Different Process for HSPs

9. Medics, Medications, and HSPs: "Shall I Listen to Prozac or Talk Temperament With My Doctor?"

10. Soul and Spirit: Where True Treasure Lies

x. References

 

0. Introduction

4 steps:

  1. self knowledge - aka Body

  2. reframing past => higher self-esteem, lower over-arousal

  3. healing past

  4. help with feeling ok when out in the world - aka Balance

label

+ feel normal

+ benefit from research of others

- misses uniqueness

 

 

1. The Facts About Being Highly Sensitive: A (Wrong) Sense of Being Flawed

facts

  1. everyone feels best when neither too bored or too aroused

  2. people differ in arousal (15-20% h)

 

 

 

 

arousal (!= fear)

trans-marginal-inhibition: shutdown point

 

 

causes:

  • fear

  • joy

  • newness

  • stress

 

 

fruits

  • better at spotting errors and avoid making errors

  • (highlyconscientious)

  • concentrate deeply (best without distractions)

  • vigilance, accuracy, speed, detect minor differences

  • processmaterialto deeper levels (semantic memory)

  • think about own thinking

  • learn without being aware we learned

  • affected by other people's moods & emotions

  • - when watched

  • - deeper processing -> slower

 

 

culture ideal

  • China shy/sensitive (Sweden, Japan)

  • Canada !=

 

 

"think about all the possible effects of an idea"

 

 

(E) think of 3 major changes in your life

  1. loss or ending seemed bad

  2. neutral

  3. good

for each:

  1. think about your response

  2. consider response with what you know

  3. think if there is anything to be done now

    • write down old&new views of the experience

 

 

2. Digging Deeper: Understand Your Trait for All That It Is

2 systems

  1. Behavioral activation

    • move towards (new) things

    • curious, bold, impulsive

  3. Behavioral inhibition (withdrawal) "automatic pause-to-check-system"

    • move away from things

    • alert, cautious, watchful

    • compare everything with past

      • normal -> OK

      • abnormal

        1. pause

        2. understand

        3. OK

2 types of HSP

Low 1, Lower 2 calm, quiet, content with simple life

High 1, Higher 2 curious & cautious, easy bored, easyover-aroused=>narrowoptimal arousal

 

 

development according to Rothbard

birth

  • -> negative

  • HSP more irritable aka"highly reactive"

2M

  • -> behavioral activation system (1) -> active

  • - interest in new things

  • - anger & frustration when not getting what you want

  • high: easily angered

  • low: placid/good

6M

  • -> automatic pause-check-system active

  • - compare present vs past

  • - more subtle differences

  • - good experiences very important

10M

  • -> shift attention

  • -> decide how to experience something

  • -> stop a behavior

  • handle conflicts between the 2 systems:override

  • -imitation

  • -re-categorizing

  • -others'social help' (cf loving system)

  • -> trust others to help/rely on

 

cortisol

bad sleep <-> high cortisol <-> fear

 

 

lower long term stress reaction:

  • well attached caretakers

  • timely naps

  • uninterrupted sleep

  • lower cortisol => lower short-term alarms

3. General Health and Lifestyle for HSPs: Loving and Learning From Your Infant/Body Self

rest

  • sleep

    • need more sleep

    • regular sleep "respect naturalrhythm"(!night-shift/mixed-shift)

    • jet-lagrecovery

    • rest with eyes closed

    • "write off worries"

  • play (conscientious&perfectionist=> details != play)

    • fun != defined by non-hsp's

    • book, quiet dinner

    • vacation: cost ofcoming

  • downtime

  • transcendence (meditation, contemplation, prayer)

    • pure (!= physical, effort,concentration) -> most deep rest

      • consciousness

      • being

      • unity

    • oneness with god

  • eat

  • exercise

  • minerals

 

strategies -> over-arousal

  • re-frame

  • music

  • close eyes

  • walk

  • water (drink, listen, bath, look)

  • posture

  • nature

  • breath

  • smile

  • reposition

4. Reframing Your Childhood and Adolescence: Learning to Parent Yourself

steps for entering new situations

  1. don'tgo alone

  2. talk about the situation, focus on what is familiar & safe

  3. allow yourself to go home if you need to

  4. expect to be OK after adjusting

  5. respondwith no more anxiety than the braver part thinks justified

"There sure is a lot going on here, it makes your heart pound with excitement doesn't it?"

 

 

By school-age, most

  • HSP-boys are introverts

  • HSP-girls don't have to put on the armor

"giftedness"

+ permits deviation from the norm

- pressured by adults

- self-worth -> achievements

  1. appreciate yourself for being <-> doing

  2. praise yourself for taking risks and learning new things <-> success

  3. don't constantly compare <-> competition

  4. give yourself opportunities to interact with other gifted people

  5. don'tover-schedule: daydream, think

  6. realistic expectations

  7. don't hide abilities

  8. be your own advocate, support your right to be yourself

  9. accept narrow/broad interests

-> ch 6

5. Social Relationships: The Slide Into "Shy"

worry -> over-aroused

 

 

shyness:

  • fear others won't like us

  • state, not permanent

  1. inaccurate

  2. self-fulfilling

  3. negative

social discomfort:

-> over-arousal

-> fear of over-arousal => over-arousal

  1. leave

  2. change atmosphere/ask others to

  3. put up with it

  4. put on your persona

5 ways to handle over-arousal in social situations

  1. over-arousal != fear

  2. 1-on-1 with other HSP's

  3. use arousal-reducing skills

  4. develop a good persona (~= mask)

  5. explain your trait to others -> 2 stereotypes

    • passive victim, weak, troubled

    • gifted, deep, powerful presence

"mystery" <-> sympathy

pity

royal adviser class

persona: choosing the level of openness

 

 

 

 

remember names

say them in the next sentence

say them in the minute

 

 

present an idea

practice

 

 

complain

practice

 

 

energy goes towards the quiet people

 

 

public speaking

  • prepare

  • practice

  • notes -> teach

recap

  1. shyness is not your trait, it's a state everyone can feel

  2. introverted social style is as valuable as the extroverted style

 

 

6. Thriving at Work: Follow Your Bliss and Let Your Light Shine Through

vocation ~= purpose/mission

-> choose : keep hsp in mind

 

 

sensitivity is the key in successful parenting

7. Close Relationships: The Challenge of Sensitive Love

hard, unrealistic crush -> after period of isolation

 

 

2 ingredients of normal love

  1. liking certain things about the other

  2. be declared to that she loves me

-> LOVE

  • High arousal

    • attributearousal to something

    • high level of arousal -> self expansion, excitement ->attractedto someone

  • Low self-esteem

    • after breakup

  • fear of being alone

  • over-arousal

  • faced with newfrightingsituations

  • work through something together

Finding HSP's

  • ask extravert

  • soft activities

  • -> noise/stimulation

2 HSP's

  • safe harbor

  • boring

HSP + non-HSP

  • differences grow

  • dummy area's <=> expert area's

take charge and decide you will stay home when fatigued

 

 

daily time alone

  1. explain why you need the break

  2. state when you'll be available again -> keep promise

 

  • resistance-> explain more deeply

  • HSP != excuse -> over-arousal is possible

 

fear of honest communication

over-arousal -> insensitive

!-> communicate

HSP's dread negative feelings

change

 

 

intuition ->imagine

becomes conscious

 

 

ground rules

  • name calling

  • muddling in past

  • abusiveconfidences

  1. time-out (postpone)

positive meta-communication

reflective listening: say the feelings back

feelings are never wrong nor right

 

 

rejected parts

  • strength, power, toughness, insensible parts

  • irresponsibleunloving parts

  • need for others

  • need to be alone

  • anger

8. Healing the Deeper Wounds: A Different Process for HSPs

4 approaches

  • long - short

  • self - professional

  • individual - group therapy

  • self - family

  1. cognitive-behavioral

  2. interpersonal

  3. physical

  4. spiritual

(1)cognitive-behavioral

  • cognitive: how you think

  • behavioral: how you behave

ignores: feelings, unconscious motive

 

practical, rational, clear

 

 

(2)interpersonal psychotherapy

  • Freudian

  • Jungian

  • object-relations

  • gestalt

  • Rogerian

  • transactional analysis

  • existential

  • most electric therapies

talk

relationship -> counselor

group

 

 

(3)physical

  • exercise

  • improving nutrition

  • acupressure

  • herbal supplements

  • massage

  • ThaiChi

  • yoga

  • ...

  • drugs

body changes mind

 

 

(4)spiritual

purpose

9. Medics, Medications, and HSPs: "Shall I Listen to Prozac or Talk Temperament With My Doctor?"

HSP's that are not stressed or shy are more healthy

more false alarms

sensitive to medication

-> over-arousal with medication

explain sensitivity

HSP's experience more pain

calmness -> less pain

role-play

decide ahead of time

 

 

instant arousal blocking drugs

anti-anxiety -> addictive

- librium (sleepy)

- valium (sleepy)

- zanex

relaxants: alcohol,opiates

stimulants:caffeine, amphetamines

 

 

herbal (tea) less

  • chamomile

  • lavender

  • passion flower

  • hobs

  • oat

Minerals

  • Ca

  • Mg

anti depressive

  • 3 weeks to kick-in

long high stress => lessserotonin

highserotonin => high dominance

 

 

(?) youngest child => HSP?

 

 

very highserotonin= dangerous!

"quick fix does not exist" => "hard work in psychotherapy"

10. Soul and Spirit: Where True Treasure Lies

soul: more subtle

  • dreams

  • imagination

 

  1. (very interested in ideas) silence

  2. supportive, considerate

  3. breaks accepted

  4. talked about

    • half: soul spirit life that defined them

    • half: inner life, philosophy, religion, spiritual practices => new energy

organized religion: strongopinion

"priest class" 'sacred places'

-> creating & attending

introverted intuitive type: seer, prophet <->art

"we can only trust science" but science doesn'tanswerthe big questions

beliefs are not unchanging

poet -> rhilea

 

 

"HSP's lead in the search for wholeness

 

 

shadow: unethical impulseswechoose not to do

 

 

pursuit of wholeness balance = ambiguity

  1. sensing dreams (unconscious)

  2. intuiting active imagination(unconscious)

  3. thinking

  4. feeling

(E) Spiritual journey for a month

(E) experience weak points

x. References

Source URL:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Highly_Sensitive_Person_%28book%29

(Concerning thedistinction between sensitivity and introversion, Aron and her husband Arthur Aron published a 1997 paper "Sensory-Processing Sensitivity and its Relation to Introversion and Emotionality."

Aron, Elaine M., and Aron, Arthur,"Sensory-Processing Sensitivity and its Relation to Introversion and Emotionality"(WebCite archive),Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,vol. 73, no. 2 (1997): 345–68.