Video: Never Split the Difference - Chris Voss

July 19th, 2019

Chris Voss: "Never Split the Difference" | Talks at Google


[ ] Book: Never Split the Difference - Chris Voss , Tahl Raz

[ ] Book: Never Eat Alone - Keith Ferrazzi , Tahl Raz

[ ] Book: The CEO Next Door - Elena Botelho , Kim Powell , Tahl Raz

[ ] Book: Imagine It Forward - Beth Comstock , Tahl Raz

[ ] Book: Black Swan - Nasim Taleb

[ ] Book: Getting to yes -Roger Fisher and William Ury

[ ] Book: Start with no - Jim Camp

[ ] Book: Beyond winning - Robert Mnookin, Scott Peppet, Andrew Tulumello

[ ] Movie: Negotiator




Tactical Empathy


There is an emotional component to every decision we take



After saying "No", they feel safe, and that opens them up for thinking, brainstorming

"Yes" feels unsafe


"No" -> "That's right"

get them to completely agree on somethgin


Books of Tahl Raz

[ ] Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

[ ] The CEO Next Door: The 4 Behaviours that Transform Ordinary People into World Class Leaders

[ ] Never Eat Alone

[ ] Imagine It Forward: Courage, Creativity, and the Power of Change



3 Types of negotiation styles

  1. Direct, talker

  2. Analist

  3. Relationship


Empathy vs Compassion

"mirror back what they say, neutral, without emotion"


Prep for negotiation

volunteer at a suicide hotline

When you hear someone is angry, you should say "You sound angry"

It goes away


Compromise = lazy

you leave money on the table

you leave better alternatives unexplored

high-value trade


[ ] Book: Getting to yes

-> based on a drive to become rational

-> separate a person's position from there interests

-> "Why don't you tell me why you want, what you want"

---> "I don't want to, then you have power over me"


[ ] Book: Start with no - Jim Camp

open ended questions


[ ] Book: Beyond winning - Bob Menucon

has a fantastic chapter on the tension between Empathy vs Assertivity, I review it regularly


Unknown Unknowns

There is 2 pieces of info your counterparty has that are really important to you

  1. what they know is important to you

  2. then have no idea is important

detecting deception is not helpful

Unknown Unknowns is when 2's overlap



fake Christmas tree

"Seems like you had real Christmas trees when growing up"


"I would never have been able to say that for myself."


There is always going to be information you don't have.

Black Swan is something small making a big difference


"You're right"

When someone says "You're right"what they mean is "Shut Up and Go Away"



Goes away when labeled, but only when labeled sufficiently. Otherwise it explodes. Especially when they hold you accountable for it. You need to get close enough to what the other person feels, for someone to be able say "That's right"


insufficient: "you're angry" -> explodes

better: "You feel like I have not respected you"


[ ] Movie: Negotiator


Reputation / Lying / Hard

Lying: I don't believe in lying

Attack: I don't believe in attacking

-> it's like a nuclear strike - long toxic residue

"No-deal is better than a bad-deal"