3 layers

1. understand your own emotions

2. why do I feel those emotions

3. personal values & success metrics

(1) understand your own emotions

There is probably more work to be done on this level if you ever:

Why are you so angry?

I AM NOT ANGRY!

Do you know what you feel?

Do you know in the moment?

Can you name the feeling?

How nuanced can you name it?

This is related to Model: 6 aspects of empathy's 2. Empathic Accuracy

(2) why do I feel those emotions

This is a whole other level.

And this is made extra difficult, because Model: emotions create thougths

And requires to dig past the thoughts generated by emotions, until you find what actually caused those emotions.

(3)personal values & success metrics

Why do I consider this as success / failure?

By what metric do I judge myself and those around me?

Do I value being a good friend?

Do I measure how good of a friend I am bythe number of times a friend calls me for help?

What if my friend never calls me for help?

That means I am failing as a friend!

I should feel horrible.

I do feel horrible!

But is that a good metric?

There are multiple options for metrics:

• the number of times a friend calls me for help

• the number of visits I make per year

• the number of times I think about them

• how much I know about their personal life

• I am among the first to know about important things in their life

• how much fun we have when we're together

• how much I believe that if I needed them, they would be there for me

• ...

The author goes on to say that the healthiest metrics are things you can control.

So metrics about your own behaviour.

(src: Book: The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck - Mark Manson)