Model: self-awareness onion
January 3rd, 2021
understand your own emotions
why do I feel those emotions
personal values & success metrics
(1) understand your own emotions
There is probably more work to be done on this level if you ever:
Why are you so angry?
I AM NOT ANGRY!
Do you know what you feel?
Do you know in the moment?
Can you name the feeling?
How nuanced can you name it?
This is related to Model: 6 aspects of empathy's 2. Empathic Accuracy
(2) why do I feel those emotions
This is a whole other level.
And this is made extra difficult, because Model: emotions create thougths
And requires to dig past the thoughts generated by emotions, until you find what actually caused those emotions.
(3)personal values & success metrics
Why do I consider this as success / failure?
By what metric do I judge myself and those around me?
Do I value being a good friend?
Do I measure how good of a friend I am bythe number of times a friend calls me for help?
What if my friend never calls me for help?
That means I am failing as a friend!
I should feel horrible.
I do feel horrible!
But is that a good metric?
There are multiple options for metrics:
the number of times a friend calls me for help
the number of visits I make per year
the number of times I think about them
how much I know about their personal life
I am among the first to know about important things in their life
how much fun we have when we're together
how much I believe that if I needed them, they would be there for me
The author goes on to say that the healthiest metrics are things you can control.
So metrics about your own behaviour.
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