Course: crucial conversations - Becky Flanagan
August 22nd, 2022
01 Get Unstuck
02 Master My Stories 1
03 Master My Stories 2
04 Start with Heart
05 State My Path
06 Make it Safe
07 Learn to Look
08 Seek Mutual Purpose
09 Explore Others' Paths
10 Move to Action
steps: use them in order
tools: use when situation calls for it
models
[ ] Model: crucial conversation
[ ] Model: fool's choice
[ ] Model: downward spiral
[ ] Model: fact vs story
[ ] Model: types of story
[ ] Model: what do I really want
[ ] Model: silence or violence
[ ] Model: purpose vs strategy.
[ ] Model: automatic reactions when at odds
[ ] Model: power listening tools (AMPP)
[ ] Model: how to disagree (ABC)
[ ] Model: 4 elements of a useful action
Quote: The first thing that deteriorates is not our behavior but our intent.
Quote: If you don’t talk it out, you will act it out.
Quote: The way we initiate a conversation will determine how others reciprocate.
Quote: A compromise reached too soon will short-circuit dialogue.
Quote: Your ability to truly listen is largely determined by your motive.
Quote: Feedback from others, while valuable, does not define our self-worth.
Quote: Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person say this?
Quote: A plan to act is not complete without a plan to follow up.
heuristics
Heuristic: when to share my story? (CPR)
Heuristic: You can advocate as strongly for your position as you are willing to inquire about theirs.
skills
Skill: Unbundle with CPR (Content, Pattern, Relationship)
Skill: Separate Facts from Stories
Skill: Watch for Three Clever Stories
Skill: Tell the Rest of the Story
Skill: Focus on What You Really Want
Skill: Share Your Good Intent
Skill: Start with Facts, Story, Ask
Skill: Contrast to Fix Misunderstandings
Skill: Look for Signs That Safety Is at Risk
Skill: Look for Your Style Under Stress
Skill: Seek Mutual Purpose
Skill: Explore with AMPP (Ask, Mirror, Paraphrase, and Prime)
Skill: Respond with ABC (Agree, Build, Compare)
Skill: Document Who Does What by When and Follow Up
This post was referenced in:
- Quote: A plan to act is not complete without a plan to follow up.
- Quote: Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person say this?
- Quote: A conversation that ends with agreement is good. A conversation that ends with action is better.
- Quote: it's not the other person telling you their thoughts that builds relationship it's them watching you listen
- Quote: Feedback from others, while valuable, does not define our self-worth.
- Quote: Your ability to truly listen is largely determined by your motive.
- Quote: A compromise reached too soon will short-circuit dialogue.
- Quote: The sooner we notice the signs that people aren’t in dialogue, the earlier we can take action to return to dialogue.
- Quote: Creating safety isn’t just something you do in a conversation, it’s something you do through your behavior over time.
- Quote: The way we initiate a conversation will determine how others reciprocate.
- Quote: Our emotions are not a function of what others say or do but of the stories we tell ourselves.
- Quote: The first thing that deteriorates is not our behavior but our intent.
- Quote: Anytime you find yourself stuck, there’s likely a Crucial Conversation you’re either not holding (silence) or not holding well (verbal violence).
- Quote: If you don’t talk it out, you will act it out.