Course: crucial conversations - Becky Flanagan

August 22nd, 2022

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01 Get Unstuck

02 Master My Stories 1

03 Master My Stories 2

04 Start with Heart

05 State My Path

06 Make it Safe

07 Learn to Look

08 Seek Mutual Purpose

09 Explore Others' Paths

10 Move to Action

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steps: use them in order

tools: use when situation calls for it



[ ] Model: crucial conversation

[ ] Model: fool's choice

[ ] Model: CPR

[ ] Model: path to action

[ ] Model: downward spiral

[ ] Model: fact vs story

[ ] Model: types of story

[ ] Model: 3 clever stories

[ ] Model: what do I really want

[ ] Model: silence or violence

[ ] Model: purpose vs strategy.

[ ] Model: automatic reactions when at odds

[ ] Model: power listening tools (AMPP)

[ ] Model: how to disagree (ABC)

[ ] Model: 4 elements of a useful action


Quote: Anytime you find yourself stuck, there’s likely a Crucial Conversation you’re either not holding (silence) or not holding well (verbal violence).

Quote: Our emotions are not a function of what others say or do but of the stories we tell ourselves.

Quote: The first thing that deteriorates is not our behavior but our intent.

Quote: If you don’t talk it out, you will act it out.

Quote: The way we initiate a conversation will determine how others reciprocate.

Quote: The sooner we notice the signs that people aren’t in dialogue, the earlier we can take action to return to dialogue.

Quote: A compromise reached too soon will short-circuit dialogue.

Quote: Creating safety isn’t just something you do in a conversation, it’s something you do through your behavior over time.

Quote: Your ability to truly listen is largely determined by your motive.

Quote: it's not the other person telling you their thoughts that builds relationship it's them watching you listen

Quote: Feedback from others, while valuable, does not define our self-worth.

Quote: Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person say this?

Quote: A conversation that ends with agreement is good. A conversation that ends with action is better.

Quote: A plan to act is not complete without a plan to follow up.



Heuristic: when to share my story? (CPR)

Heuristic: You can advocate as strongly for your position as you are willing to inquire about theirs.



Skill: Unbundle with CPR (Content, Pattern, Relationship)

Skill: Separate Facts from Stories

Skill: Watch for Three Clever Stories

Skill: Tell the Rest of the Story

Skill: Focus on What You Really Want

Skill: Share Your Good Intent

Skill: Start with Facts, Story, Ask

Skill: Contrast to Fix Misunderstandings

Skill: Look for Signs That Safety Is at Risk

Skill: Look for Your Style Under Stress

Skill: Seek Mutual Purpose

Skill: Explore with AMPP (Ask, Mirror, Paraphrase, and Prime)

Skill: Respond with ABC (Agree, Build, Compare)

Skill: Document Who Does What by When and Follow Up



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