People are always looking for connection with others Belonging Trusting relationships … Empathy Receiving Empathy = the feeling of being understood When I say something like “That thing you just said, really hurt me” I don’t want any of these reactions “Sorry, I didn’t intend to hurt you” “But that’s not what I said” “You always…! " you never listen! You always You never None of these reactions give me the feeling that my feelings are accepted. Quite the opposite, you tell me that my feelings are wrong! None of these reactions give me the feeling you understand me. Quite the opposite, you clearly communicate that you do not understand me! Here are some more [[model-anti-empathy-reaction-patterns.md|Model_ Anti-empathy reaction patterns]] I want Empathy (I always want Empathy) “That sucks, tell me more” “You’re feeling hurt” “Someone yelling at you must suck” Or I want to express myself more, so that you can give me Empathy after “What do you mean?” “Can you tell me what you understood of what I just said?” “Tell me your story” “Tell me more” It seems like a combination of the two would work well. “that sucks, tell me more” - Simon Sinek But it doesn’t even have to be that elaborate Simple other things, can prompt as well Silence + attentive body posture Active listening “Oh?” “Hmm…” “Ah…” Give the feeling a name “You feel angry” “That must be aggravating” “It can be hurtful…” Catch all “Those are tough feelings to have” Name the reason Name the need Repeat / paraphrase: Maybe the prompt to continue is all I need? [[model-4-levels-of-empathic-listening-skill.md|Model_ 4 levels of empathic listening skill]] [[model-5-levels-of-listening.md|Model_ 5 levels of listening]] Src Book: How to talk so kids will listen & Listen so kids will talk - Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish [[book-7-habits-of-highly-effective-people-stephen-covey.md|Book_ 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen Covey]] [[book-non-violent-communication-marshall-rosenberg.md|Book_ Non-violent communication - Marshall Rosenberg]]